Before I found my way back to Earth (earth based spirituality), I felt un-grounded, out of control and lost in the world... I felt disconnected and out of the loop, I felt like I was wasting time, always a step behind everyone else and it never felt like I was in the right place at the right time. I most definitely felt lost, disorientated and disassociated.... as if I was surrounded by a constant fog of disillusionment, disappointment, and depression. A wounded shadow chased constantly at my heels and a great fear festered in my soul, I doubted myself. Despite the facade I played very well, the lies just reinforced the loneliness.
When we doubt ourselves, second guess our selves, chose not to honor that inner voice that comes from the core of our deep wisdom... we don’t trust ourselves, we don’t love ourselves. “Perfect love and perfect trust,” starts with self. It’s about waking up to our Intuition and honoring our truth not being afraid to be ourselves in full glory, no limit, no matter the cost. To insist to be! Who ever thought that such a thing would be the hardest an individual could do, to be themselves? How fucked up we have become! Thank God for You Tube!! Where being “yourself” has become the social norm! Ironically it’s actually not hard at all. It’s only hard because we chose to be afraid. We allow fear to be our excuse and our justification for staying comfortably numb in ignorance... and we pretend that its blissful, but live with a secret sense of emptiness and lack that just won’t fucking lay off.
And it’s not like “I am who I am so get over it already” no, its more like... Okay, this is who I am and now what do I do to be better?” It’s the strive for personal development and growth that throws us into the River of Life and that is when you begin to feel like you are really living!
If ever I heard about a Sabbat, it had already passed and I always felt like I’d missed the party and continually felt “left out” of “yet another pagan celebration.” If ever I heard of gods and goddesses, they never related to me and felt like they belonged to far away religions... in my quest for knowledge it was not books that I turned to... but to the Earth itself. Though there are many great resources available, what I write is from my own perspective and knowledge gained through experiences. Now, all these many years later, I can say that I have never felt more grounded and in control of my life than I do now... now I can say with confidence “I am in the right place at the right time!” My Soul keeps me grounded to who I am and my Spirit keeps me connected to who I can become.