O Satan! I shall not fear you!

I feel like a Russian doll, you know the ones that keep opening up to smaller versions of the same doll? Just when you thought you were there... there's still more! Well, at least it keeps life interesting.

This path I am on is all about crossing thresholds, pushing boundaries and challenging limitations... and yes ofcourse that involves taking a good hard look at all my pre-conditioning. Like the word, "Satan" for example. Now that's a great trigger word for an old Christian girl like me returning to her Pagan roots! LOL

Satan no longer represents the Almighty Evil but in my evolving, the word has become more a symbol to me... of all the things I was once afraid of, of all the lies I allowed myself to believe, of all the things I have kept hidden in my shadows. Satan now represents that what I MUST embrace!

On my way to Ordination in the Wiccan tradition, it is not about good vs evil, nor is it about banishing evil or finding salvation from my sinful nature...and it is certainly not about winning over the darkness. Rather it is about not being afraid of the darkness. Not being afraid of what lies hidden in my dark places, not being afraid of things I do not understand, not being afraid to embrace both the light and the dark of what makes me who I am.

When we choose faith over fear, we can boldly go where no man/woman has gone before. We can embrace both sides of our souls, our strengths and our weaknesses and we can acknowledge our humanity and love our humanity. We can take an honest look into those aspects of ourselves that we have suppressed and we can allow the Angel of Light, the Morning Star to shine in on those dark places and illuminate what is there.

It is by no doubt a task that requires more from us than we would like; work, committment, counselling, accountability, vulnerability...etc. But how can we truly become the people that we were designed and purposed to be if we are not fully aware of ourselves? How can we stand fully present, if part of us is running one way and another hidden deep within us?

So, Satan! The Morning Star, Day Star, Angel of Light, fallen angel to some... (kind of reminds me a little of Mary Magdelene). Tempting me to explore the dark parts of my heart, to shine light in on them, to bring them forth and acknowledge them, to embrace all aspects of who I am.

To come out of Fear and to walk in Faith: that there is nothing within me so bad, so evil, so dark that I cannot deal with, that I cannot embrace. How can I truly see the beautiful person that I am if I cannot look at myself honestly and see everything? The dark is only scary because we cannot see what is in there, but if we only ever stay in the light...we live in deception, only ever half real, half present, half committed to this life that we live.

Satan! I shall not fear you!


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