Good Friday: Your Death and Resurrection
A lot can happen in three days... the greatest battle of all time, can be fought and won. This good Friday I am reflecting on w hat needs to die, like really seriously, thinking about what that means. this day, we connect with the last supper, the last walk, the last surrender. It is all around us, in nature and in stores, though many will only be seeing chocolate bunnies and baskets, only thinking of easter Sunday.
Let us not forget Good Friday. The day of crucifixion, of death and descent. Today a darkness hangs in my consciousness, like a far off feeling of depression, not personal but global. A sense of oncoming doom, of death lurking nearby, of dark clouds covering blue skies... I am thinking of death.
Today, I ask of myself to embrace death. I choose to surrender to the cross that which no longer serves me. Death to my ties to body image, to self doubt, to hanging onto old clothes, to fearing the unknown, to being my own worst enemy, to keeping quiet, to being shy and soft spoken. Death to poverty mindset, to deep rooted shame, to family dramas and poor libido. Death to feeling older than I am, to pre-menstrual up-tightness, to not feeling sexy in my body and not enjoying my clothes. Death to writers block and un-started projects. Death to holding back, biting my tongue and being too nice. Death to be the fucking Hierophant and being lonely and not having much fun.
Tonight in the light of the waning moon I will put on my thorny crown and I will die to these things that keep me from being born of spirit. Symbolizing this death will be the execution of my wardrobe. Those that know me, know me well enough to know that I have more than feared this day, I have dreaded its inevitability, I have prayed earnestly for this cup to pass me by.
Tonight its all going in bags and outside (everything accept the things I've bought in the last six months and that one designer dress still with its tags on, because god damn it, its a piece of art!). I'm going to have a fire and burn the pieces that should not be worn again by anybody.
Tomorrow I will stand in front of my empty closet and I know a battle will be fought... when I fully realize its all gone and all that I have is what is on my back and the few articles I wear daily. I know what demons I will face tomorrow... but I will trust and know that come Sunday... I will win the battle over darkness, over fear, insecurity, and lack of faith.
Easter Sunday I will be resurrected. I will hide the chocolate eggs for the teenagers who still insist upon it and I will find a quiet moment to go get naked in the woods. I will stand in sunshine and think only of the birds of the air and the flowers of the fields and how they do not worry about what they do not have and in the evening I will bathe this body of mine, lovingly and grateful to be alive.