On Self Love and Compassion with Dr. Gabor Mate

Self Love is big talk, easier said than done for most all of us who have learned through environment that by all means Attachment is a primary need that overcomes and is more important than the need for Authenticity.

Sitting with Dr. Gabor Mate for two days, attending his Compassionate Inquiry Conference in Vancouver last week, blew open my heart and my mind when it comes to understanding what "Self Love" really means.

Timely fitting with the month of love, how much easier is it to show love and compassion to others than to ourselves? One woman spoke to him of how difficult it was for her to justify a reward at the end of the week. One simple glass of wine triggered so much stress and grief for her that she was feeling shame and guilt for needing to justify it. After compassionate inquiry Dr. Mate was able to show her that it was not the reward that was the issue, but the feelings of abandonment, stress and anxiety that she had experienced her whole life, having to survive and manage on her own.

Simple compassion and love for ourselves, allows us to put our lives into perspective, to let go of the extreme measures we hold ourselves accountable to and to really be kind to ourselves, the human experience is not an easy place for the spirit to find itself in.

Dr. Mate proposes that compassionate inquiry into our emotions is the very key to being in the present moment. When we can separate our perceptions from our feelings, see the facts for what they are, and truly just sit with the emotions that come up for us, we can be in the #powerofnow. We can see that we are the loaded weapon ready for firing and accept responsibility for being so armed that even the slightest mis- understanding could trigger our explosiveness. It's not the triggers fault, but our responsibility to disarm ourselves. Instead of running from the pain, causing more and more suffering, we need to find the safe places where we can sit in and explore the pain that we are carrying within us. Compassion is the place of safety.
This is where we begin to heal that which has caused us pain, in our own #compassionateinquiry.