Oh Death, how you cling! Creating Acceptable Space.

Tis the Season of rotting pumpkins the sign to us all that even She must allow death to take Her.

This month three years ago my Uncle Cliff drowned, two weeks after our great grandmother died at 103 years old and just a few weeks ago Gerald's Grandfather who was well and able suddenly died to all of our great surprise. Topped with the local and tragic death of four of our young teenagers here in Grande Prairie, Death feels awfull close.

A heavy and strange sadness has been hanging over my heart these past few days as we draw closer to the Months End and the veil between the worlds thins. I can't help but feel the sadness in the air...

Despite our beliefs in the after life, whatever they maybe, its is the selfishness of grief that stings our hearts. The gap that loved one now gone leaves in our lives, the space that they filled is now empty and we are left poking into that space like the tongue to the empty cavity where a tooth once grew. The hole is tender to touch and the tongue relentlessly goes there without conscious thought, as if it too is trying to understand its loss. It's sore and strange... but the prodding of the tongue is what brings healing to the open sore. The rubbing of the tongue over the scarred gums encourages healing and the skin grows over and the mind adjusts and the space becomes acceptable.

Acceptable Space... when we move through the stages of grief: Denial,Anger, Disbelief, Acceptance... we are the tongue healing itself from the gap now left behind. We are creating acceptable space where that Loved One once filled.

We have a space in our home just for our loved ones that have passed, its an altar for our Ancestors. This time of the year they feel closer to me as the Season changes to embrace its own Death, I feel the veil thin between me and my loved ones. In this space I have everyone's picture and a candle to light in their memory. We take things out of the trunk that once was either theirs or something they had given us and we place them on the altar and we talk about them as a family. We remember them and invite them to be close to us, to watch over us, and we thank them for all the ways they impacted our lives.

They say when one door closes another will open... I like to leave this door a little ajar. Death does not need to feel so final. Death is merely a threshold which we all must pass over. I like to think that my loved ones are busy being happy and fullfilled but they are never far away.

And in honor of these four young men, when Death is sudden, unfair, cold and cruel, there are no words to justify its means. Words are not sufficient enough to ease the pain, to heal the heart, to fill the space left behind. Any attempts to make sense of it,to find understanding in Deaths rash and untimely ways are in vain... that is the mystery of Life.

Death comes when it sees fit, when it chooses... it has nothing to do with us and our need for the space to be filled. It cares not for the heart that will yearn, it picks and chooses without prejudice... there is no human reason or justification.

And we are left like the tongue, prodding into that space that is now void.
In that space, May we find the value of our loved ones still with us. May we draw them closer to us, May we hold them in our arms. May we find the words we have not had before to tell them how much we love them. How much they mean to us. How much we value them...

For no man knows the hour and we are not promised tomorrow. In that space, may we realize the great gift that Life is and honour its precious gift by loving all the more the Ones still with us... and maybe in that space the tongue will heal the scars and our hearts will not hurt as much.

Blessed Be.



  1. Thank You Krista....some beautiful meditations therein...I`ve found myself meditating all week on the relations between space and closeness, and this is another angle, so a part of things at this season. Love and Light to You!


Post a Comment

Popular Posts