articles of madness .6

I disassociate.
the youth pastor listens
I hope he can take my story, fix it and hand it back to me
but he doesn't
he sends me to a room full of Baptists with bibles
they proceed to cast demons
out of me,
I hide under the chair.
"I am not good enough"


I disassociate.
my shrink says "its trauma."
I laugh, "no it's not."
"Yes it is" she retorts
"you are the victim of emotional and mental abuse."
Ouch! "No I'm not!"
I am adamant
"I am not good enough"


I disassociate
my mental health worker says, "you've had a very traumatic life"
I look surprised, "I have?"
"Yes." she confirms for me...
She's surprised I didn't know.
I am ignorant
"I am not good enough"


I disassociate,
my tantric reiki healer says "breath with me"
I stay present.
She comes closer, "do you feel safe?"
I'm not sure what that means.
but I breath with her anyways
'Safe' is something I choose
I am breathing... perhaps...
"I am good enough?"


I associate
my safety with my choice
I choose
to speak the language given me...
post traumatic stress disorder....
now there we go, that makes a lot of sense.
doesn't it?
There's a name for it.
"I AM GOOD ENOUGH"